


Self-Defense

by Rueroux



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Resourcefulness is resourceful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-12
Updated: 2011-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:31:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rueroux/pseuds/Rueroux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Sherlock have a short conversation about self-defense and found-objects. There is a lawn ornament.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self-Defense

“I have to say Sherlock, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kinder egg used in quite that fashion before,” John said, pouring hot water into the two mugs on the counter.

“John, you of all people must appreciate the ability to improvise weaponry with what is at hand.”

John crossed his arms, “I didn’t say I don’t. I just would have thought you’d choose something a little more conventional.” He smirked.

“You know, like the mop that was leaning right next to you.”

Sherlock scowled up at him from his seat at the table, “I didn’t hear you whinging at Miss Lanegro about conventionality when she came at you with that rubber chicken.”

“Sherlock, I’m not complaining,” John said. He placed Sherlock’s tea in front him and sat down. “Look, all I’m really saying is that it was an unusual choice. A good one in the end, but unusual.”

“You can’t tell me you’ve never picked up anything out-of-ordinary in the midst of a fight, John. Lestrade did inform me of that incident at the pub last week, you know.” Sherlock crossed his arms and twisted his mouth in annoyance, “An incident which you utterly neglected to mention.”

John reddened.

Sherlock huffed, “I would have been very curious as to how much force it actually took to shove an entire peanut so far up a man’s nostril.”

John glowered. “Alright, listen, I was more than a little intoxicated at the time and wouldn’t even have been able to tell you _how_ I did it let alone how much force it took.

“Greg should have made that clear, considering _he_ was the one who kept foisting drinks off on me and then started the argument in the first place. Honestly, detective or not, that man shouldn’t be allowed in a pub. He’s a terrible influence.”

“It did stop the fight though, did it not?”

“Oh, yes,” John chuckled. “It would seem that peanut shells are even more uncomfortable than they look. My new acquaintance and I agreed to call truce after that.”

“There, you see? An excellent example of the good use of available resources.” Sherlock smirked, a smug look on his face that implied he’d won an argument John hadn’t been aware they were having.

Nonplussed, John asked, “Well then, what’s the most interesting ‘available resource’ you’ve had to defend yourself with? It can’t have been the chocolate egg, not the way you’re going on.”

Sherlock tried and failed to suppress a grin, “A plastic flamingo packed full of cocaine.”

John stared.

“What? It wound up being highly effective.” Sherlock was starting to look a little defensive.

John blinked twice and opened his mouth. He shut it, blinked, and tried again, “So-- You, what, bludgeoned someone with a plastic flamingo?”

“Filled with cocaine, yes.” Sherlock looked thoughtful. “The drugs did make all the difference, after all. If the flamingo hadn’t cracked open when I hit him with it, I’m not at all sure that night would have gone in my favor.”

John wanted to comment on his friend’s foolishness but he had to admit that, as resourceful went, bursting a cocaine-filled flamingo in a person’s face ranked fairly high in terms of effectiveness.

“Well at least you didn’t try to shove it up his nose.”

“Really John, that was honestly quite adaptable of you. With Lestrade there, even you wouldn’t have got away with actually beating a man in a pub.”

“No, I suppose not.” John raised his tea, “To non-standard self-defense, then.”

Sherlock smirked and lifted his mug, “To self-defense.”


End file.
